After an evening spent shopping in West Allis, I am more certain than ever that everyone, everywhere would have a simpler, less stressful life if they would just do what I know is best for them.

Here are the Top Five Dumbest-Shit Things That I Observed on my shopping trip this evening:
5. A 30-yr-old man and his mother, utterly befuddled by the inseam measurements on pants, and what those numbers *really* mean…
4. A 14-yr-old boy wearing a Jameson t-shirt (shopping with his dad). Yeah, kiddo, I’m sure you really enjoy the Irish whiskey…
3. A man legitimately trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. Seriously? Have you read *one* product review in the last five years?
2. A young woman browsing at DVDs and LOUDLY talking on her cell phone about the physical incompatibility between herself and her last sex partner. Some things are just better left to the imagination, sweetie.
1. A young woman asking a sales associate at Target if they sell doorknobs. I can see the Menards across the street from the parking lot…

‘Nuff said, on all fronts. The Crew is in trouble again in the 7th. But against Pittsburgh. I’ll be damned an’ shit.