So I tried to figure out how to log in to the website for WorldPerks, the Northwest Airlines frequent flyer club. I haven’t bothered doing that in years, since I haven’t actually flown on a Northwest flight for almost five years.
Why would I be trying to do this again, in that case? Well, I had a mailing reach me here on Wright St somehow that said I have about 12,000 miles saved up, but they expire at the end of this year. The mailing suggested that I could immediately redeem these miles for a bunch of shitty magazine subscriptions that no one has time to read. I thought to myself, “well hell– if I’ve got miles saved up, I might as well see if I can redeem them for anything, flight-wise, and then seriously contemplate booking something before the end of the year…”
So I get on to this website and I can’t remember my silly PIN for their site. I don’t even know what the hell my email address might have been back when I registered with these people. I tried a couple things I thought it might be, and soon I was locked out, but the page suggested that I try a “live chat” with a CSR.
So I put in my info (which, as I said, was on the mailing that I received) and say, “look, I don’t remember hardly anything about my account, much less what the PIN would be for their online service, but– well, y’know, here is a transcript that they emailed to me. Peruse for your enjoyment:
Q: Re: WorldPerks PIN Reminder
From:
Jason Bock
6524 W Wright St
Wauwatosa, WI 53213
WorldPerks Number: some number
Haven’t logged in on the web in a very long time. Can’t remember PIN or even what email address was at the time I registered.
A: Hello, you have reached Blanche with nwa.com Customer Service.
I am unable to verify the address you provided with the information on file in your WorldPerks account. Please respond with any other mailing addresses and ZIP codes that may be associated with your account, including past residential, business, or post office addresses.
I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested information.
Sincerely,
Blanche
nwa.com Customer Service
Q: 470 N Main St apt E
Oshkosh, WI 54901
A:
I am unable to verify the address you provided with the information on file in your WorldPerks account. Please respond with any other mailing addresses and ZIP codes that may be associated with your account, including past residential, business, or post office addresses.
I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested information.
Q: I’ve moved several times since I opened my WorldPerks account. Not sure what address you might have. Somehow, though, a mailing reached me at my current address.
A: I would be happy to assist you with your PIN. For security
purposes, please reply back with any full postal address, including ZIP code, that may be associated with your WorldPerks account. Once I have verified this information, I will delete the PIN and you will be able to create a new one online. I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested information.
Q: 2080 Dickinson Ave
Oshkosh, WI 54904
A: I am still unable to verify the address you provided with the information on file in your WorldPerks account. Please respond with any other mailing addresses and ZIP codes that may be associated with your account, including past residential, business, or post office addresses. I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested
information.
Q: 2716 Woodridge Ln
Waukesha WI 53188
606 Nelson Story
Bozeman MT 59715
Johnstone Hall, Rm 4415
Bozeman MT 59715
A: I am unable to verify the address you provided with the information on file in your WorldPerks account. Please respond with any other mailing addresses and ZIP codes that may be associated with your account, including past residential, business, or post office addresses. I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested
information.
Q: You have to be kidding me. Is this a real person or a machine?
A: We are indeed real people.
I am unable to validate the address or zip code you provided with the information on file in your WorldPerks account. For security reasons, this verification is necessary before I am able to reset your PIN. If you are unable to provide the correct address and ZIP, please answer the
following questions:
– Last flight activity on the account
– Last redemption activity
– Last non-flight mileage posted to the account
– Birth date
– Telephone number
– E-mail address
I trust that once we have all the necessary information we will be able to assist you. Please click “Reply” to provide the requested information.
So anyway, I’m gonna get Sports Illustrated, Time, Esquire for 2 years, Cigar Aficionado, and US News & World Report. I predict that I will read barely any of these, but I might get some ideas for haircuts or wardrobe in Esquire.
What a waste of 90 minutes.