So I’ve recently re-installed this voice recognition software package, something I haven’t used since I was living at Grandma’s house last summer.

If you’ve ever used that sort of software, you can appreciate how hilarious it can be to try to do dictation with it. No matter how “accurate” a given software package claims to be, there is no way you can successfully dictate as quickly or accurately as you can type. I’ve had quite a bit of success with it with one- or two-word commands; stuff like “print document,” or “start Word,” these are easy things. But you start barking whole sentences at this thing, forget about it.

I’ve done about 10 or 12 “training” sessions with the voice software now, so it should be fairly well acquainted with my voice. Take a look at this, though: the italicized text below is what the computer wrote while I was talking to it. You can download an mp3 of what I actually said here.

one of the things I need to get about wish to gain is to make this topic again can now buy some underwear and the reason I need to buy younger wearing his study ’cause I won’t happen now to last through my entire trip to los angeles next week , once I get to l.a. and I figure I’ll need now approximately eleven pairs of underwear and in order to well have enough underwear the last through those eleven days I’ve been really going to need to purchase more sense that I will I be fox series ended half the best I thought it was a reasonable to go into the gap and now I know two or three you’ve there’s the ones that I get from again I simply the most comfortable love the way stand does in chief at all and dying so that’s what I’m going to build now going to the get for underwear the set. to

So I had some suggestions yesterday afternoon and today about what the problem might be with the dry, red, flaking skin on my arms (which is still gross, make no mistake). And I got to thinking, we all had so much fun last week with the Top Five Saddest Songs Ever Written, why not try to replicate that? (That’s what they do on TV, anyway.)

So, get out your stethoscope and white coat, scroll down to the “3/3” blog entry, and then write with a diagnosis and remedy for whatever this skin condition might be. The person with the best suggestion (criteria for what defines “best” I reserve to my discretion) will receive an honorary diploma as well as license to introduce him- or herself at parties as “Your Name, M.D.”