Schneider seems to have actually retired from this game, quite unlike Brett Favre ever will.

I do not wish for you, dear reader, to enter this first weekend of the pro football season uninformed and unprepared to enter verbal combat with your friends, colleagues, and co-workers regarding the prediction of the games’ outcomes.  Goodness knows there is no place else on the Internet to obtain such information.

To that end, I will now announce the winners of every professional American football contest that will take place between September 13 and September 14.  Feel free to use this as a guide for all wagers, friendly or otherwise.  After all, I have not been wrong yet.

The home team in each contest is listed last.  The winner is in bold.  Go forth, and win millions.