Tag Archives: NFL

Pro Football Predictions, Week 1

Schneider seems to have actually retired from this game, quite unlike Brett Favre ever will.

I do not wish for you, dear reader, to enter this first weekend of the pro football season uninformed and unprepared to enter verbal combat with your friends, colleagues, and co-workers regarding the prediction of the games’ outcomes.  Goodness knows there is no place else on the Internet to obtain such information.

To that end, I will now announce the winners of every professional American football contest that will take place between September 13 and September 14.  Feel free to use this as a guide for all wagers, friendly or otherwise.  After all, I have not been wrong yet.

The home team in each contest is listed last.  The winner is in bold.  Go forth, and win millions.

Miami at Atlanta Buffalo at New England
Denver at Cincinnati San Diego at Oakland
Minnesota at Cleveland
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
BC at Montreal
Detroit at New Orleans
Dallas at Tampa Bay
Philadelphia at Carolina
Kansas City at Baltimore
NY Jets at Houston
Saskatchewan at Winnipeg
Washington at NY Giants
San Francisco at Arizona
St. Louis at Seattle
Chicago at Green Bay

Back In MKE and All Is Well

Made it back to my house at about 9:30 or so.  Had a good weekend overall; more to come about it tomorrow, for now I am tired and going to get ready for bed.  For those that are curious, I would’ve picked Philly and Pittsburgh to make it the Super Bowl.  Can’t believe the frakkin Cardinals!  And speaking of frakking, shut the frak up about BSG until I have a chance to watch it (tomorrow morning).

Last day of GW’s administration tomorrow!!!!!!!

An Awfully Good Sunday

Michelle and I took a ride up to Nordic Mountain today so I could try out my new skis, and we could work on our plan to ski as much as we can [afford to] this season.  It went great.  The new equipment that Michelle got me for Christmas and my birthday is going to serve me well for a good long time.  Jen and Joe were also right about my boots; they were exactly the right size, they’ll just take time to break in.  After a few runs, I had forgotten the agonizing lengths I had to go to just to get them on…

Meanwhile, in the NFL, I went a lousy 1-3 in my Wild Card Weekend picks.  At least the one that I got right was a Vikings loss.  Funny epilogue to that comment– we ate dinner at Fratello’s in Oshkosh after our ski day.  We had missed the end of the football game (they had it on in the bar at the hill, but we left part way through the 4th quarter), and I asked our waiter if the Vikings lost.  He told me they did and I gave him an enthusiastic, Borat-style, double-thumbs-up.  “Yeah,” he said, “I’m from Minnesota.”  Haha.  Don’t worry about it; we tipped him well…

But now I’m tired and I’m going to bed.  I did fall once today too (trying to stop too fast at the end of a run) and I think I sprained my right thumb.  That’s my spacebar thumb, so this typing kind of hurts.  Sleep tight!

Replacement Prognostication: Week 17

So this will do it for the regular season.  I haven’t decided yet whether or not I will continue predicting for the playoffs.  Regardless, let me offer some reflections on this NFL year:

  • Never has one man’s profile dropped faster in my view than Brett Favre’s did late in summer.  It was a stark reminder, one more time, that the men who play these games are mere men (that is, they are but men; not mer-men, which would be something else altogether); none of them is made of anything more special than you or me.  Sure, they may be physically gifted, but I like to think everyone is gifted at something.  Certain gifts are just more profitable…
  • The Packers’ stock (not the ACTUAL Packers Stock, which has zero monetary value) has been dropping slowly since LAST December’s drubbing at Soldier Field.  Hopefully after this year, we’ll start pulling it back up again…
  • Despite the Dolphins resurgence, do not be fooled– not every single thing that Bill Parcells has ever touched turned to gold.
  • It has occurred to me that the Vikings only come up looking good on those occasions that the rest of their division utterly licked it.  Hence (if they get in), they will lose in the playoffs.  Again.
  • The mighty teams of the last 5 years have been taken down a peg, but no juggernaut has risen to replace them.  It could be an exciting and tough-to-predict postseason…

I am truly hoping for a return from Josh for the 2009 season, if for no other reason than his superior football-related wit.  Meanwhile, I have to be honest and say I had a pretty good record (a .660 percentage is fine no matter how you slice it), even though a number of these teams made it easy week to week with their ineptitude.

Going into the final weekend, a few of our weekly teams have something significant to play for, and some only have pride.  Some don’t even have that anymore.  No matter what, it’ll all be over in about 60 hours, so here are your predictions for this final Week 17.

SEASON RECORD: overall, 70-36; weeklies, 59-26; bonus picks, 11-10

  • Packers – win (oh please, let them not lose THIS game..)
  • Vikings – lose
  • Bears – win
  • Lions – lose (you can DOOOO it!!!!)
  • Chiefs – lose win lose win lose win lose
  • Seahawks – lose
  • Dolphins – win


  • Colts – win
  • Eagles – win
  • Ravens – lose
  • Chargers – lose

A Happy New Year to you all!

Replacement Prognostication: Week 16

Well, the Packers are out of it.  I don’t *think* that I was what jinxed them1, but one can’t know for sure.  From here on out, for reasons that I outlined last week, I will be rooting for the Jets.

Let’s get this party started and rock out on Week 16.

SEASON RECORD: overall, 63-34; weeklies, 55-25; bonus picks, 8-9

  • Packers – lose
  • Bears – win
  • Vikings – lose
  • Lions – lose
  • Chiefs – lose
  • Seahawks – lose
  • Dolphins – win


  • Cowboys – win
  • Titans – win
  • Patriots – win
  • Giants – win

Hey– have yourself a merry little Christmas.

  1. Since I declared that they could conceivably run the table in Week 12, they have not won a game. []

Common Denominator

While I always revel in the struggles of the Dallas Cowboys (as a rule), when I read the story from ESPN about a locker room at odds with itself down in Big D, I have to shake my head a little in pity.

Correct me if I’m wrong on this, but Terrell Owens, while having had a statistically fantastic career, has never won the Super Bowl.  However, he has managed to eventually alienate or otherwise piss off every team he’s ever played for.  Fans or coaches can make excuses, but the bottom line is this: what does every quarterback that T.O. has complained about have in common?

Replacement Prognostication: Week 15

Let’s call this the “Anxious-for-next-year-when-Schneider-will-be-back-to-doing-this” Edition.

The Packers are out of it.  Not technically speaking yet, but let’s cut through the crap, OK?  I read something in the Journal-Sentinel earlier today that said they had only held a lead for a total of like 8 minutes in the last 3 games.  Pitiful.  Meanwhile, the Vikings are on the verge of clinching the division, and with Gus Frerotte at quarterback.  Unbelieveable.

My apathy about the football season is rapidly spiraling out of control.  At this point, I am (sorry, Lorch) pulling for the Jets to do big things down the stretch, but not because I’m a Favre-zealot.  The further the Jets go in the playoffs, the better that draft pick is that Green Bay gets in exchange.  So here’s hoping we see a subway Super Bowl!!!

Outside the NFC North, the fates of our weekly predicted teams could hardly be less relevant.  Who would have thought the Miami frakkin Dolphins would have the best record in this group?  Anyway, enough pretending to care, here are your predictions for Week 15.


  • Packers – lose
  • Vikings – lose
  • Bears – win
  • Lions – lose
  • Chiefs – lose
  • Seahawks – win
  • Dolphins – win


  • Falcons – lose
  • Jets – win
  • Ravens – lose
  • Giants – win

Have you ever heard of the Amero?  Sounds like a load of crap to me…

Replacement Prognostication, Week 14

My home team has taken to disappointing me week in and week out.  The worst part about the situation in the NFC North (a scant 2 weeks after I boldly declared that the Pack would prevail in the end) is that the Vikings are the team in the lead.  Two major problems here: (1) the Packers have no games remaining against the Vikings (so they have to count on other teams to help them catch up), and (2) it’s the goddamned Vikings.  Man, I hate that team.  A lot.

It’s going to be tough for me to pick a post-season horse if Green Bay craps out.  One of our division rivals?  Please.  A team from the powerhouse NFC South?  Too easy.  The Fish?  That would be like admitting Lorch was right about something.  Brett and the Jets?  At least death by INT would feel familiar…

Anyway, “have at thee!” for Week 14.


  • Packers – win (seriously this time)
  • Bears – win
  • Vikings – win (bastards)
  • Lions – lose (bastards!)
  • Chiefs – lose
  • Seahawks – lose
  • Dolphins – lose


  • Falcons – win
  • Buccaneers – win
  • Eagles – lose
  • Ravens – win

Only 20 shopping days til Christmas, and just 71 until spring training opens.