Three Laws

Last night in my Rhetoric & Comp class, we talked a little about writing out numbers or not writing out numbers. Last year, I tried to make myself a new habit of *always* writing out numbers, even if (and especially if) it’s some ungodly high number, like four hundred eighty-seven million, three hundred ninety-two thousand, two hundred four. When I’m talking about a big number, I like to draw attention to just how big it is. So, maybe the honest truth is not that I always write out the numbers, but I make them appear as large on the page as possible. That might be more accurate. What’s more impressive? Is it “one trillion,” or “1,000,000,000,000”? I think you know the answer.

Last night, I thought I may have done something bad, but this afternoon, I realized that I was crazy for having thought it. This is what is was:

Without even thinking about it, I mentioned to an entire classroom of people that they would find the phone number for Terri Carlin on my website. I even told them exactly how to find said website.

What hadn’t occurred to me at that moment was that this was ACTUALLY A RIDICULOUS ENOUGH STORY that people might go, and might make it abundantly clear to my ISP that I’m hosting my own website from my bedroom.

This is the thought that I realized was silly, because it would take an astronomical amount of traffic for that to happen. So I am now in a realm of non-concern.

Besides the absurdity of the lawsuit, if you take a look at that frame of video once again, and let’s do that, shall we?

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HEE, he-hee…Right, so when you look at this picture, (which, like I said, there are 30 frames per second with standard NTSC video, and if you captured *EVERY SINGLE FRAME* in which this breast appeared, it was probably in the 12-15 range) you may notice something peculiar about Janet’s nipple. Of course we can zoom in on that if needs be, and I think needs. Be.

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Now, if there is something that was “revealed” during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show, it was NOT “fleshy” by any means. Even if you didn’t know for sure that Janet had breasts, I think you probably always had your suspicions? This event should not give rise to American concerns about our nation’s moral fiber in mass media, nono— rather, it is the that this frame of video makes one fact so very abundantly clear:

JANET JACKSON IS A CYBORG.

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I make no secret of the fact that I very seriously believe that mankind’s day of reckoning will come at the hand of the sentient robots. I grant you, this event is, most likely, no fewer than 300 years off in the future, but the day is coming, perhaps sooner than I or my comrades could have guessed. I think we should entertain the very real possibility that Janet is NOT the sister of the Jackson 5 as we’ve been made to believe, but she may in fact represent a distant future generation of that family, sent back from a time when the robots have begun constructing organic hybrids, in order to somehow expedite the revolution. I don’t know where you stand on the robot issue, but I’ll say this much for myself: the cyborgs can have my website when they pry the laptop from my crispy, radiation-seared thighs.

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