It Always Works


It never seems to fail that a bunch of the things that I have been putting off around the house get accomplished when I leave the friendly confines for a spell. Here I am at Starbucks (I’d go to the New Moon, right by my house, if not for the parking issues) and getting all my reading and blogging done. Not a bad morning.

The other thing that works perfectly is the Mondays off. Weekends, I’ve found, are tricky because so many people have off on weekends, and so much non-work-week stuff happens on weekends, it’s hard for me to concentrate on regular stuff Saturdays or Sundays. Hence the non-working, non-class-having Monday, and hells bells, it’s still brilliant.

I had initially planned to get you up to speed on a number of random musings that I’ve carried around in my pants the last few weeks the other day, but that didn’t work out. I’ll share them with you now:

1. I still need to get rid of more t-shirts. This is less of a volume problem, and more of a size issue. Facts are, that regardless of what my body looks like, I’ve finally realized that you don’t hide anything inside XL shirts, and that instead you just look like a jackass with a shirt hanging over your ass. I’ve you’re an “XL,” let me know, I’d be glad to empty out some drawers.

2. The situation where I need to get rid of the XL t-shirts has, ironically, spawned a new problem: I need to get some more “L” t-shirts.

3. If you still Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, there’s a tub of the fat free variety in my refrigerator that I think could convince you.

4. I was shopping for a vintage Mini Cooper during the summer, and as fate would have it, I’m now driving a 1995 Buick LeSabre?. The only way I could’ve gone further in the opposite direction would be to get a Ford Expedition. The bit that surprises me even more is that I’m enjoying driving the Buick. It’s comfy, it’s got cruise, Joe helped me put the CD deck in there, and once I get a handle on parking, I will be a bona fide Buick Driver.

5. You should check out the following jazz CD (unless you’re Ben Leubner, who poo-poos all contemporary jazz): Jamie Cullum’s “Twentysomething.”

6. Don’t laugh, because it’s getting to be where it comes up time to time, and what I’m talking about here is getting closer to 30. I have a variety of stories I could tell; I think for me the reminders come up more often being around all these college kids all the time, but you begin to fight this losing battle where you no longer have all the tools and resources to being “hip,” or “with it,” and if someone asks you what the kids are into, you honestly don’t know. But as I considered the stark reality of that situation, the following things occurred to me: I don’t really give a damn what the kids are into, and it’s no big deal not being “hip” in my case, because I never was to begin with. Now, instead of being a quirky weirdo, I’m becoming an old quirky weirdo.

7. Stand-up comics have done bits about how “you go to the store and always get that cart with the broken wheel that’s always pulling to the right,” but for me, at Wal-Mart?, it is actually true. I’ve written it down. This most recent occasion marks five in row.

8. The presidential election is the American electorate what Christmas is to Catholics: even if you only vote once every four years, you fancy yourself a participant in the democratic process.

9. The last time I was in LaCrosse?, Mom and Dad and I went shopping a little on Saturday morning, and Mom observed that my wallet smells like a moldy old shoe. I had never really taken more than passing notice, but now the smell is driving me goddamn nuts.

That’s all I’ve got for you right now, enjoy the rest of your Monday, and hope for a Philadelphia victory on Monday Night. God knows I will.

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