They'll Come to Iowa, for Reasons They Can't Even Fathom

Even though I am currently in Nebraska, I am just barely in Nebraska. The vast majority of my day I spent traversing the great, flat, corn-infested state of Iowa. It certainly is a state. And there is certainly a corn-infestation, make no mistake.

As you descend into the expansive, flat plain that is the Hawkeye State, you come to wonder if corn-based ethanol might actually be the best idea for an alternative fuel, ever– after all, how could we in America (or hell, even in China) use up all this motherfucking corn? It is everywhere. People in Iowa do not have lawns. It seems that every spare swath of flat ground not occupied by an interstate highway or a barn or a Wal-Mart is covered with corn.

Two interesting things that I noticed about Iowa, both of which I attribute to its uncanny flatness:
• I continued to listen to WTMJ as far as Cedar Rapids. And it was clear. Just west of that booming metropolis, it was quickly trumped by another signal on the same frequency nearer by. Otherwise, I have a feeling I could listen to it here. After that, I “SEEK-ed” the AM dial for a good portion of my trip, picking up signals and stations from cities as far off as St. Louis, Kansas City, Sioux City, Oklahoma City, Boise, Wichita, and Tel Aviv.
• At the rest stops in Iowa, there is totally free wifi access. At every single one. It’s pretty sweet, but it is also slow as shit. I imagine that this has something to do with its freeness, so I don’t think a person really has license to bitch. I suppose the lag in speed might also be because of all the people parked at the rest stop, hunched over toward their passenger seats, probably downloading porn or something to try to stave off the boredom of Iowa.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.